Forget “how many children do you want?” or “Where do you want to retire?” Nowadays, you need to ask potential spouses that the deal breaker is: “During a pandemic, would you let our children be vaccinated?” Maybe It is not the material for the first date, but it is essential.
I am a vaccinated single mother of a 13-year-old son who also wants to be vaccinated against Covid. The problem is that his father did not vaccinate himself-and forbid me to vaccinate our son. My ex-husband is a Trump supporter, and he is really worried about possible long-term side effects.
Does this make divorced parents disagree during the global health crisis? in the court.
This means a costly legal battle, which may be a long one because the courts are still backlogged. I believe my children should be able to make their own decisions-without having to spend thousands of dollars from our emergency fund for a legal war. This expense occurred in a year, and single mothers were disproportionately affected by the pandemic. They bear the brunt of distance learning, childcare, and additional groceries bills, while being unemployed or taking care of family needs.
Joseph Prezioso/AFP/Getty
The vaccine war is only the last economic straw. Even before the pandemic, a government report found that women’s household income fell by an average of 41% after divorce, almost twice the rate of decline for men.
Since the vaccine was approved for children aged 12 to 15 in May, I am far more than a divorced mother in this dilemma. But the parents are preparing for the battle between the two sides.
In the District of Columbia, some people sued officials over a new law that allows children 11 years and older to be vaccinated without parental permission. Two lawsuits in the U.S. District Court in July claimed that when their children were given this power, the rights of parents and religious freedom were violated. In most states, vaccinating minors requires parental consent. But when mom or dad showed up, those who shot seldom asked the other parent’s wishes.
In the online support group for single mothers where women do not want to disclose their identities, many people admitted to me that they had vaccinated their children without the approval of a judge because they knew that the other parent did not agree. “It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission,” more than one person said.
But another mother I know is on the other side. Laura Vitek’s ex-husband did just that-she was angry about it. Vitek, a mother in Illinois, made it clear that she did not want their 14-year-old daughter to be vaccinated against Covid because she had asthma caused by a cold.
“My ex-husband took her out without my permission and sent me a screenshot of her first medication,” Vitek said. “I started crying because I was so sad. But I didn’t yell at her because he put her in a terrible situation.”
In a divorce agreement, it is very common to grant parents “joint legal guardianship” no matter which party has more actual time with the child-this is where it becomes confusing.
Rosemarie Ferrante, a Connecticut divorce lawyer and mediator, told me: “Joint legal custody means that parents share decisions on major parenting decisions, including all medical decisions, and therefore vaccinations.” Shared common Parents who have legal guardianship and want to challenge the wishes of the other parent must go to court, invest a lot of money in attorney fees, and may appoint a guardian ad litem or lawyer for the child before the judge decides whether the guardianship should be amended. This is a possibility A process that takes months-many single parents cannot afford it.
This is why the language in the divorce settlement is so important. “The mediation of the divorce agreement recognizes that parents may have differences over parenting issues after the divorce,” Ferrante said. This is why she included a framework to be followed during divorce to help co-parents find a way to resolve their differences.
But most divorce laws are not so clear. And because the Covid vaccine is approved so quickly and solves the current medical crisis, there is almost no case law.
Sandra Fava, a family law attorney in New Jersey, said: “Judges are everywhere on this matter because there is no guidance on what to do.” “Except for recent cases about other vaccines.” , There is currently no set of laws. If schools require children to be vaccinated against Covid, it will be easy; you can look at this rule.”
Fava pointed out that a recent New Jersey Court of Appeals decision involved a divorced couple who had disagreements over vaccination. The mother who opposed the shooting claimed religious immunity, but the court used the “child’s best interests standard” and ruled that the other parent could provide them. Fava said this means that these issues will be decided on a case-by-case basis.
The consequences of unilateral actions? According to the law, if there is joint legal guardianship, the parents will violate the agreement. They may face sanctions, be required to pay the other party’s legal costs, or if there is an independent decision-making model, the guardianship arrangement may change.
In the end, traditionally law-abiding parents like me have to solve this enviable question: Am I willing to take the risk and do what I think can protect my child without going to court in order to do it quickly and protect the safety of our family? resource?
For single mothers, 2021 proved to be more challenging than the previous year.
Amy Polacko is a divorce coach and journalist who worked on the Pulitzer Prize winning team and reported on the crash of TWA 800 for Newsday. As a single mom, she is writing her first book “Don’t Get Into a Scam: How to Spot Narcissists and Antisocialists before it’s too late”.
The views in this article are those of the author.
