What did I do differently with baby number two?

It’s crazy how the internet finds out you’re pregnant and then throws all the most emotional content in your face. I’ve opened an app and left sobbing within minutes too many times to admit. Films about cherishing your final moments with your first child. Remember every inch of them, the little wrinkles on their wrists and the chubby cheeks, because before you know it, they will be your big brother or sister and no longer your little baby…that’s the order of the day It’s heartbreaking and devastating, but such a joy to think about the prospect of having two children.

As I get closer to my due date, I have started to go into major nesting mode. The need to get everything “just right” before baby is born is so strong. I wanted to share how I prepared for baby number two and what I did differently the second time around.

Trust your mom’s instincts

They say that as mothers we have innate instincts that kick in when our child is born, or even before the child is born! But I remember the first time I thought about it, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I can’t believe myself. I often relied on texts and phone calls from my sister, mom, friends, and doctors to give me the comfort I needed. Of course, I still rely on all my people when it comes to taking care of my kids, and I’m so grateful to have such an amazing support team who love us and help take care of us. But I will say that this time, I am going to trust my gut and what I know deep down. I know I can do this, I’ve done it before, and at the end of the day, I know when something is wrong with my child. I know when I am anxious and when I am truly worried. Round two, I know I’ll be more confident and be able to (hopefully 🤞) overcome the little things and take the big things in stride.

this is just a stage

Everyone said that, and I remember being annoyed by it, and I was like, Well, even if it was just a phase, it feels really big now! Having been through so many stages (teething, sleep regression, tantrums, fevers, etc.) I know that everything is temporary for kids and even though it may feel like the end of the world, it will pass and everything will be okay . Parenting is so hard and it’s so important to take one thing at a time, but understanding that it won’t last forever and that there are more joys and difficulties ahead is so important to maintaining your sanity.

keep things simple

One day, while I was in labor with my son, I laughed at the thought of being in the hospital. They opened the door and let us in (interesting COVID protocols), I was lying on the floor in the middle of a contraction, and my husband was wrapped in enough luggage to keep us comfortable for a month of travel. The nurse looked at us in shock. Moving in this year? While I was in the hospital, not once did I open my carefully packed medical kit. I did wear a hospital gown and the underwear they provided, and to be honest, I was mostly naked because at that point you don’t care who sees you naked. I remember thinking that my labor and delivery depended on me packing the perfect hospital bag. If my bag had everything I could possibly need, my experience would be perfect. Woo woo woo, woo woo.

I’m going to keep things simple this time. I knew we had the necessities our baby girl needed – diapers, clothes, bassinet, blanket, and if something else wasn’t enough, that was okay. It’s amazing how things always come together. You might spend months driving yourself crazy trying to get everything ready to be perfect, but the truth is there’s always more going on. You will never feel completely satisfied. Accepting that “good enough” is enough is the best way to reduce stress on yourself.

Let go of control

One of the most challenging things about pregnancy, birth, and parenthood is how little control we have. We desperately want to have everything planned out, but there’s really no way of knowing how things will turn out. The unknown is scary and can keep us trapped. The more you accept that things are going to go a certain way and that there’s nothing you can do about it, the better off you’ll be. The more you try to control uncontrollable situations, the more miserable you make yourself and those around you.

Instead of focusing on what you can’t control, focus on how you can learn and grow. You can learn about all the different types of labor to help prepare yourself for different outcomes. You can talk to your friends and family and listen to their stories and wisdom. It is so helpful to know that you are not alone!

I’m done

I’m done. I’m done. I’m done. Say this to yourself in the mirror 10 times every morning. As moms, we always feel like we need to do more. It’s like what we’ve done isn’t nearly enough. When you find yourself going too far in your parenting, take a step back and ask yourself, who are you serving? Does it really make your child’s life better, or does it just satisfy your need to be the “perfect” mom. Be easy and gentle with yourself. Being a new parent is difficult and extremely demanding. If you do just one thing a day for your newborn, it will be a success. Showering is also important. Take care of yourself, take care of your baby, and know that you are always enough. You did a great job.

Embrace the peaceful silence

I remember feeling irritable in the days leading up to the birth of my first child. I feel trapped, like I can’t escape this hamster wheel of nursing, sleeping, and waking that we live with day in and day out. This time, I’m really looking forward to the peace and quiet. Having a child who is always active has given me a new appreciation for those early quiet days. I also think it’s worth remembering that it won’t last forever and that there are many exciting stages ahead. I’m so looking forward to soaking up that peace and quiet and spending those first days with my new baby. It was such a unique and rare opportunity to disconnect from the world in this way, and I think I see the beauty in that now.