by Assunta Ng
Northwest Asia Weekly
Reprinted May 2013
When you read that headline, you might be thinking, “Is she crazy? What is she thinking?”
In me, there are five thousand years of Chinese culture and wisdom. I declare—especially during Asian American Heritage Month—that I do not endorse Asian cultural values as meaningless.
But honestly, even Asian culture has its flaws. So what is the dark side of my staying away from Chinese traditions? What Chinese cultural values do I most identify with?
i like asian culture
From left: Ming Fung, Stephanie Schuessler, Melissa Camp and Ellen Bjorge at a festive birthday party. Women said they bought their clothes online. (Photo by Assunta Ng)
I like the fact that we are hard working. Loyalty In our name, we will sacrifice everything to support our family. Family is our foundation.
Humility helps us to a certain extent in shaping our character.
The Asian community doesn’t need a financial guru like Suze Orman because our motto is “Save, Save and Save”. Americans love spending and borrowing, while many of my Asian friends hate going into debt.
According to the 2010 Census, Asian Americans have the highest income and education levels compared to others. We attach great importance to education. We may not spend too much money on luxuries, but we are more than willing to pay expensive tuition for our kids at Ivy League and private schools.
Hierarchy hinders progress
Asian culture teaches us to obey authority and elders and respect hierarchy.
When elders speak, we must not only listen, but accept what they say, even if they may be wrong. It wasn’t until I was in my 50s that I mustered up the courage to tell my parents many times that they were wrong.
However, my sons often tell me, “Mom, you made a mistake.”
They like to correct my English pronunciation and point out my ignorance of technology and pop culture from a young age. No, I don’t mind my kids seeming smarter than me. They are sometimes my best teachers. The more they grow, the more I treat them equally. If I say that to my mom, she’ll think I don’t respect me.
“Face” ruins life
We worry too much about what other people think of us. Face is a big cultural burden for Asian immigrants. How many times have we been afraid to do something because someone disapproved or had the opportunity to gossip, even though we knew it was the right thing to do? Is it important to please yourself or to please others?
Some Asians force themselves to buy an expensive house or accept a prestigious job because of “face”.
It takes courage to get rid of the burden of “face”, but liberating oneself is the reward.
Humility is not the best answer
Asian culture emphasizes modesty. As a result, we are reluctant to promote ourselves and tell the truth, even at critical moments.
In the US, you have an obligation to share your knowledge because it saves your colleagues time and your employer money.
Yes, it may involve selling yourself or even drawing attention to yourself, but, to me, sharing your skills and expertise is no bragging. Sometimes, do what’s best for yourself and your company. After all, how can you reach the stars if others don’t know your abilities and contributions? Do you want to break the glass ceiling?
Selling yourself in the right place at the right time is the key to Asian-American leadership.
make the atmosphere more lively
I was raised to be quiet and obedient, not making noise or rocking the boat. However, it is a mistake not to speak your mind.
As a publisher, I have learned that when authority and injustice arise, we must challenge it.
Asking questions can change your life. You have a say and you can use it.
The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.
Diversity is a gift
Jerry Kirsch and Terry Allen recently showcased their origami art at the Seattle Cherry Blossom Festival in Seattle Center. (Photo by Assunta Ng)
If I don’t come to America, I might be racist. My family instilled in me a lot of good values, but also prejudice against black people and other Asian peoples because of what my family went through during the Sino-Japanese War. In their minds, all Japanese are the same.
As community leader Jerry Lee said, “That was 60 years ago, and those Japanese were dead.”
America has made me receptive to new ideas and new cultures. I am grateful that I have shared some wonderful friendships with Japanese Americans and other people of color. They opened my mind and heart.
To demonstrate my commitment to diversity, I launched the Diversity Machine through the Northwest Asia Weekly Foundation. We offer scholarships to white, black, Hispanic, Native American, Asian and other students based on their work in diversity.
Another diversity project is the Women’s Empowerment Luncheon series. We bring together the most diverse group of women to learn, share and support each other. Only in the US can I initiate such a project.
Don’t forget that diversity is a gift.
Failure pushes us forward
In Asian culture, failure is hard to accept. Failure makes individuals feel guilty and ashamed.
In China, I’ve seen divorced women treated as outcasts, even if their husbands were at fault. Making money is also considered a failure in Asian cultures, and unhappy young people suffer more than they need because they think they are completely wrong. If you sin, you will never get a second chance in Asia.
But America believes in redemption. Millions of dollars have been spent helping teen parents go back to school to get GED. Former drug addict and gang member gets a second chance to change society. They go out and talk to young people and help them keep their lives on track.
give back
A Korean dance group performs at the AAPI Heritage Festival at Seattle Center on May 1, 2022. (Photo by Assunta Ng)
My biggest disagreement with Asian cultural values is the belief that families should be the only people we care about. Each of us has a responsibility to our community, our city, our state and our country.
We should give generously to people with different surnames.
This is where I admire Americans for always helping strangers. After the earthquake in Haiti, thousands of Americans traveled to the island to help rebuild. I know many white Americans, including Bill Gates, who traveled to Africa through his foundation to develop clean water, work to eradicate polio, malaria and other diseases, and use their time, money and talents to improve agricultural systems.
American culture preaches charity and generosity. Asian Americans have been slow to understand the importance of giving back and receiving philanthropy.
Being Asian and American gives me a little freedom. It showed me the freedom that I have to be who I am, choose what I believe and live the life I want. Without fear, I celebrate my ability to reject and keep the better of both worlds.
Assunta can reach assunta@nwasianweekly.com.
