Marin turned 2 earlier this month, so the question of if and when I’m going to have another baby naturally came up a lot. When was the first time I was asked when I was pregnant, because creating a person’s life is not enough, you think more!
I vividly remember meeting a contractor at home a few weeks after Marin was born. He asked her if she was our first and I replied “first and last”. I laughed. I am also serious. He looked at me almost puzzled and replied, “No, don’t say that. She needs a sibling.”
Will she? The look on my face must have been angry as it got awkward and quiet and I don’t remember where the conversation went after that. My inner monologue is like this, what if you vomit so badly that the blood vessels in your face burst? Throwing up so much, you lost 10+ pounds, so weak, you passed out, a lot. At the time, I was still bleeding from childbirth and only a few days later recovering from delayed postpartum hemorrhage, which I thought I might die, gave me PTSD. But go ahead and tell me how I should do it again.
Just an innocent comment, right? Or a glaring example of our society’s disconnect from pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum?in a No guaranteed paid maternity leave, no universal health care, No universal preschool or childcareerosion of reproductive rights, and 10th highest maternal mortality rate among rich countries of its kindobviously we were an afterthought.
Talking about parent-child relationship recently, Pope criticizes people for keeping pets instead of children, and even scold “there is only one” person. Coming from a man without children, quite rich. But it illustrates a lack of care and understanding about how pregnancy, childbirth and care are taken.
Average cost of raising children $14,846 for a middle-class two-parent family, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. It’s funny because the napkin math makes my childcare around $17,000 a year, which is considered “affordable.” I’m curious how they got these numbers. With insurance, it cost me about $4000 for my pregnancy, another $3000 for delivery ($1200 for my epidural because it wasn’t “medically necessary”), and then another $3000 for my postpartum hemorrhage $1200 for no hitch even if you bleed! That’s more than $8000 in the time I should be saving postpartum leave because I’m self-employed and don’t have paid maternity leave.
Of course, I was one of the lucky ones because I was able to pay these bills. In the United States, Nearly 11 million children live in poverty. That’s one in seven children, and they make up almost one-third of all people living in poverty in this country. The U.S. economic system is not designed to support families, and the U.S. does not have a comprehensive social safety net.
But the truth is, I never wanted more than one child, and that’s okay. You don’t need reasons or excuses. Infertility, medical problems, the cost of raising a child, job security, climate change, all of these can stop there, but not wanting more at all is effective.
The myth of the only child being spoiled, bossy, lonely and “maladjusted” dates back to the 1800s, thanks to the influential psychologist G. Stanley Hall, who said the only child “is a disease in itself.” He’s also a proponent of eugenics, so that’s it. the fact is, Myths have been debunked. Only children can be spoiled, but so can children with siblings. Only children can be lonely, but children with siblings can also be lonely.
About 20% of U.S. households are one-child households, and It is the fastest growing family unit in the United States. I don’t care if you have one, no or six children, each child. I’m happy with that one. That should be reason enough.
