I posted this outfit to my Instagram story over the weekend and it seems to resonate with a lot of you. I think it might be less about gear and more about my gear goals. I’m going to my first mass gathering/party in over two years. I want to look fit, but also feel comfortable. A dress that feels good and no fuss. I also live in Vermont. High heels aren’t the real thing (I’m fine with that!). A bit of a miss in turn, we were approaching mud season and I had to tiptoe through the brewery parking lot. Otherwise I think I succeeded.
Lately I’ve found myself fumbling a little bit with my personal style. Through motherhood and the pandemic, I got a little lost. I found myself staring at my closet and trying 15 different things and not liking it at all. I still have a lot of pre-baby clothes in my closet that no longer fit me. They won’t fit me anymore. But I can’t seem to let them go. I really don’t know why. I just, have no inspiration.
Perhaps there is still a small part of me that clings to the way I was when I was alive. Missing that old life and those old clothes that no longer serve me. It feels weird to say that because I don’t want to go back to my old life, but sometimes I miss it too. I feel like there is an expectation that once our kids reach a certain age, we should “get over it”. Like you can only mourn your old life when your child is a baby.
At a party this weekend, the first party I’ve been to in so long, I feel like I’m back. That old me, the unborn me, was kind of buried in survival mode for the past two years. I was there during those hours. Have deep conversations with other women. absent-minded. laugh. hear. absorb.
The next day, I started cleaning out my closet. Slowly but surely, I found my style and myself again.
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