When I was teaching basic education during COVID, we used to say it was a bit like learning how to fly a plane in the air. Terrible, complicated, and not always the smoothest, but you have to jump right in because the only other option is to crash. I think this analogy applies to parenting as well. Each new stage feels like a completely different challenge and can be overwhelming. These stages may also last a lifetime. Sleep degeneration, teething, learning to crawl/walk/talk…the list goes on!
When it comes to milestones, there are those incredible moments when your child giggles, crawls and walks for the first time. What followed was a wave of emotions. It’s always bittersweet, watching your baby learn new things with pride and overwhelming love, but also unexpected sadness and fear as you let go of each young stage and step into the unknown. It’s a roller coaster.
Living in an age of information overload can be very useful and harmful. There is so much information coming at us, and everyone has a different opinion on how to raise children. On the one hand, it can be very helpful to dedicate resources to things we may be completely unaware of, like starting solid foods or solving sleep challenges. In other ways, we can find ourselves in a rolling black hole and worry that our kids aren’t hitting certain milestones.
As a new parent, I find myself constantly coming back to the phrase, “Comparisons are the thieves of happiness.” It’s hard not to compare our kids. We love them so much and we want the best for them. When we went to the playground to see another toddler who was a month younger than ours running around, climbing the steps and sliding down the slide, our baby was still crawling – we couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong . I’m not a doctor or physical therapist, and I’m not here to give medical advice, but as an educator and parent, I know that every child is different and progresses in unique ways. As parents, our greatest job is to help teach our children how to explore and navigate the world on their own. Obsessing over milestones only creates unnecessary stress and sleepless nights.
If you find yourself stressed about your baby and toddler milestones, today’s post is for you. Here are some ways to keep them from losing sleep so you can enjoy (and endure) each new phase with fewer worries and sleepless nights.
How to Reduce Stress at Infant and Toddler Milestones
Choose your support/care team thoughtfully.
It is important to choose your support team thoughtfully. Choose caregivers, doctors, nurses, PT professionals, family and friends who match your own parenting ethics and ethics. There is nothing worse than going to the doctor feeling more worried and unsupported than when you arrive. Choose professionals for your child’s support team (and your own!) who will take the time to listen to you and your concerns and help you relax or give you the referrals or support you need. Spend time with family and friends with whom you are willing to share your insecurities and concerns. These concerns should be validated and supported, not made worse for you.
If you start to worry about milestones contact a professional you trust.
Talk to your child’s doctor or PT if you have concerns, rather than worrying about weeks or months. They will most likely reassure you, or provide you with information or resources that can help you move forward. Holding onto something alone can feel so heavy, our minds tend to explode when we hold on to it. At our last doctor visit, we were worried that our 15 month old would not walk. After the doctor watched him crawling and moving around the room, she assured us that he would be walking soon, which was nothing to worry about. He starts walking next week! These things take time and we all just need to take a deep breath and let it happen naturally when our kids are ready.
Talk to other parents.
One of the most helpful things I’ve found as a parent is connecting with other mothers. I’m lucky to have a wonderful group of mom friends and many kids older than me. They’re perfect for texting or calling when I’m worried and overwhelmed. My concerns have always received zero judgment and lots of love and support. Again, a few weeks ago, when I was worried about my 15-month-old not being able to walk, I ran into some friends and I said, “When should I be worried that he won’t be able to walk?” Their answer was “Never” Just what I needed to hear. Of course, never exactly what they meant, but they just wanted to tell me that he did a great job and I didn’t need to feel pressured about it. Then a friend of mine shared that her daughter started walking around 16 months, and some kids are just more cautious and wait until everything is perfect before making major moves. Being open, honest and vulnerable to others allows them to do so in return, and we can learn a lot from each other.
No doomsday scrolls.
This seems like an all-around theme… We all know doom scrolling is never a good idea. Especially when you are already following milestones and looking for information on the internet. Look for blogs or accounts that align with your parenting style and you feel good about the advice and advice they offer, but be mindful of their actual qualifications. Anyone can create a blog and start giving parenting advice. Don’t believe everything you read and try to limit your exposure. Finally, you should seek genuine advice from your care team.
Invest in some parenting books.
Honestly, I didn’t read a single pregnancy or parenting book until Willie was 12 months old. That’s when I started to feel my element. Parenting is difficult, and we do a lot of things based on our parenting style and what is innate and natural to us. Consider your parenting ethics and goals, and choose some authors and books that match. It’s helpful to hear from other people how they’ve tackled their whole parenting problem and not feel so alone. Find suggestions and some of our favorites below.
What does my child need from me right now?
In the end, you know your child best. Try to be with them and ask yourself what they need from you in that moment. Kids change, just like adults, just because they’re one way in the first year of life doesn’t mean they’ll always be. No matter where they are on their journey, work hard to serve them and keep them moving at the speed they need. Give yourself a break too, you are doing great and your kids are lucky to have you love them and help them along the way.
