In the spirit of sunshine being the best sanitizer – let’s talk about the news that came out after the Brighton SEO party.
For “freelancers” I had to repeatedly ask to “go away” #BrightonSEO Yesterday’s party – don’t touch women you don’t know! ! A pat on the shoulder – good. Wrap your hands around your waist or knead like you – no way!you are the reason @brightonseo may need bodyguards
– Judith Lewis (@JudithLewis) April 9, 2022
As some of you know, in this issue of #BrightonSEO.
Good men in this industry must be allies to women and stop justifying this behavior in the name of networking or politeness.– Lidia Infante (@LidiaInfanteM) April 9, 2022
Both Judith and Lidia thank Brighton SEO and its organizers for their prompt intervention, so let’s give credit where it’s due.
Even so, we must admit that there is an obvious problem to be solved here.
We have a long tradition of sharing names on the Whisper Network, so women and men in SEO know who to avoid to stay safe.
We try to create designated safe spaces and activities for women.
We’ve seen committees, associations, and initiatives aimed at addressing SEO inequality come and go.
But we haven’t solved this problem yet.
For those who have been embracing these behaviors and many who are no longer in the SEO campaign because of it, each new report is fresh salt in an old wound.
I think one day everyone will feel welcome and safe at industry events.
Equality is not just a buzzword, every participant can be assured that if others are out of place, it will be dealt with quickly and appropriately.
People are not punished or shunned for speaking out.
So let’s see what we can do next.
Change your mindset. This is not a “women’s issue”.
We need to stop seeing it as a women’s issue for two reasons.
First, we are taught that every woman is someone’s daughter, sister, mother, and therefore worthy of protection.
(That’s problematic in itself, because a woman’s worth isn’t determined by her relationships with others. But I digress.)
The thing is – and this is where it gets really complicated – everyone who makes SEO less safe for other people is also someone’s brother/sister, dad/mom, son/daughter, etc.
They are someone’s boss.
They are someone’s college friends.
They are someone’s mentor or business partner.
They may be one of our authors.
This is the hard thing, because it is likely that those who know the criminal will want to give that person the benefit of the doubt.
He is such a devoted husband/great boss/good guy.
How could he be a sexual predator?
This is the cognitive dissonance that leads us to suspect that the victim is the default response.
What you say can’t be true. He just isn’t like that.
You read too much. She didn’t mean any harm.
You are taking the wrong approach.
Maybe they are partially right. Maybe that person wasn’t a predator.
They don’t intend to cross the line.
Yet their actions lead to an invasion of another person’s space and body.
Both of these things can be true at the same time.
There can be a huge gulf between intent and impact; a complete disconnect between what we mean and how it lands.
This means that all of us must clearly and firmly identify it and draw attention to it when it happens.
We all have a responsibility to be clear when we see it happening, so there is no ambiguity about intent or not.
The second reason it’s not a women’s problem is that men are also victims.
nearly a quarter (24.8%) of American men will experience some form of sexual violence during their lifetime.When you include sexual harassment, that number rises to 43%.
in Canada, one-third of women One in eight men has experienced unwanted sex in public.
and Crime Investigations in England and Wales 2020 found that while women were four times more likely to be sexually assaulted, 155,000 men were still victims.
Black and Indigenous peoples (especially women) and LGTBQ2S are also at greater risk.
Although men are statistically more likely to be criminals, women can also harass and attack others. In fact, The researchers now recommend Sex crimes by women are more common than previously thought.
Victims of sexual and gender-based violence – men and women alike, feel a great deal of shame and embarrassment.
As I said, it’s not an easy task.
We need to accept and accept:
- Anyone can be a victim of sexual harassment and violence. No one is immune to this and no victims of stereotypes.
- Sexual harassment and violence can be committed by anyone. Criminals do not appear suddenly and disappear again after an attack. No Boogeyman here. Besides serial sex offenders, these are the people who live and work among us.
With that in mind, the preceding advice is gender-neutral.
Being more thoughtful and conscious about how we interact with our industry peers will only benefit us all.
Implement visible cues in activities that allow participants to indicate to others how comfortable they are with touch.
Human communication is complex, and it has only gotten more complex since COVID.
We all have different levels of comfort for various types of physical-social interactions, and they can change at any time.
I’m sure I’ve felt guilty about invading someone’s personal space or giving hugs when they weren’t appreciated.
We can all learn and develop together in this area.
Use green, yellow, and red lanyards or wrist straps to clearly show others your preference for physical interactions, including handshakes, hugs, pats on the shoulders, and more.
Professional Conference Management Association wrote about this system as a solution to social distancing preferences and show that it can also help address challenges in face-to-face networking after the pandemic.
Of course, green doesn’t mean open season.
This means the wearer can touch and go from there, and you can follow their cues and ask questions if necessary.
There’s nothing wrong with asking someone, “Can I give you a hug?”
It’s okay if they say, “Let’s do a COVID fist bump” and give you an elbow.
The intent is to consider physical interactions within our shared professional environment.
Recognize the barriers to reporting and defending yourself or others in those moments.
Often, I see people who say, “Okay, did she accuse him? He didn’t get a trial; we can’t be judges,” the same people who insist that the perpetrator’s loss of a job, marriage, or business due to harassment is too extreme .
In many cases, criminal charges do go too far.
Let’s also be realistic that the possibility of reporting to the police leads to any kind of justice.
Aside from the fact that sexual harassment investigations and conviction rates are extremely low, the nature of these incidents is that we gather from all over the world for just a few days.
If I attend an event in London and get beaten up by Europeans, that complaint disappears on the officer’s desk when I board the plane back to North America.
We need to supervise ourselves in these spaces.
This leaves us with social and business/financial implications.
Yeah, I want to be a mate and say, “Hey, that’s not cool. She told you to cut it off.”
Or, “This is the third person I’ve seen you put your arms around you tonight. Are you asking and making sure they agree with you touching them that way?”
Or, “Listen, girl, you make people uncomfortable. You need to keep your hands to yourself.”
Their potential embarrassment won’t stop you from intervening. We can’t treat people who harass others as so vulnerable that they don’t realize they’re doing it.
A victim of sexual harassment in our industry who chose to remain anonymous wrote to me: “Everyone has something huge to lose by speaking their truth — for example, being blacklisted from conferences and cut off from the speaking circle. .”
“The cost of speaking out is too high, and no one wants to take the blow,” they wrote. “It’s easier to stay out of the controversy than to stand up and get yourself involved.”
So we have to remember that getting involved and supporting those we see taking a stand can also be scary.
The time to sit courtside and watch how it shakes off is over. If you have witnessed an assault or harassment, you have participated in it.
Unfortunately, we know that offenders can get angry (especially when alcohol is involved, as it often happens in these events).
I can’t speak for men here. But as women, we are raised and conditioned by society to defuse rather than escalate these situations.
Don’t make it worse.
Don’t upset them.
Don’t create a scene.
If you challenge someone who transcends in that moment, they may escalate. Best to try brushing it off and get out of the situation without further damage.
We also often know the perpetrators. They are family members, friends – or bosses, colleagues, industry acquaintances, etc.
It’s confusing that people you may have liked and respected up until that moment get unwanted attention.
Harassment and assault do not come with a response manual.
But he seems to be enjoying it. He is still smiling.
She didn’t say anything, so I thought she was fine.
Why didn’t he just tell him to stop?
You never know how you’ll react until it happens to you, and depending on the situation and who’s involved, the response may change.
Now is the time to have an open conversation because these things are happening.
Don’t assume the person being touched has no problem with it.
Of course, it’s likely to be needed, and attention is reciprocal.
You won’t know unless you ask.
Choose not to do business with those who make our world less safe for others.
You can choose not to hire or outsource work to people who harass and attack your industry peers.
You also don’t need to see criminal charges against the offender.
You can see it happening. We can all see it happen.
These are the worst kept secrets in SEO – we whisper in the group who shouldn’t be alone with your friends.
We can all do more.
Ask yourself, do this person’s values and ethics reflect my company well?
If not, why are you contributing to their success with your money?
We do not provide a platform for those who threaten the safety of their peers.
Search engine journals will add specific language to our contributor requirements to reflect the extension of our author code of conduct into the real-world spaces we share.
Judith Lewis told me, “I don’t actually want zero tolerance, but a 2 strike system where they’re told they’re going to be banned for 2-5 years. They can come back and if they break again it’s a lifetime ban from the network Everything in – like pub watch in the UK.”
This sounds fair, doesn’t it?
“The perpetrators must be informed that they are banned for this bad behavior,” she added. “It’s not fair to shadow ban someone. Tell them and get them to change.”
I totally agree.
We do not promote a culture of cancellation. People must have the opportunity to change.
They need to get straight to the point about why the behavior is problematic and how it affects others.
Sunlight is the best disinfectant.
It’s time to take it out of the whisper network and clarify where and when meeting harassment occurs.
This is not going to be solved by making potential victims take responsibility for their safety; guarding each other and keeping an eye on this person or that person at all times.
We don’t need to create safe spaces for women to meet outside the main event.
Together we need to ensure that all who choose to participate have safe and equitable access to industry networking and educational opportunities.
Each of us has to make sure this is the only experience.
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Featured Image: Shutterstock/VovanIvanovich
