I was stunned. What? My heart sank and I blurted out: “Why?”
Then he knelt down. There is no box, just a ring on the hand. “will you marry me?” I screamed and jumped with joy.
I swear, the whole rooftop gasped. Even the strangers around him were shocked and cheered. None of us saw it coming—they didn’t, and neither did I—but in that perfect, chaotic moment, I said yes.
It's the kind of surprise that leaves people breathless, but somehow feels just right – so us. I was overwhelmed by so many emotions in that moment: happiness, fear, guilt, hope—all swirling around me like a storm.
proposal video
You know how important my mother is to me. She is my anchor, my everything. When she got sick, I felt like my world was shattering little by little. So when she came home, I thought we were getting a second chance. I thought there would be more time – time to plan, time to dream, time to share all the little moments I’ve been holding on to. Then Marcus, with his big, open heart, asked me for eternity. I couldn't help but ask myself, Can I allow myself to be happy when everything is still so fragile?
But even in the most chaotic and uncertain times, love has a way of finding you. It doesn’t wait for the perfect moment – it just shows up and reminds you that hope and love can coexist with heartache. When I said yes, it wasn't just about the ring or the future we were planning. It's about choosing love, even in the face of all the uncertainty.
Later, I couldn’t wait to share it with my mother. You know how much she means to me. She has been my anchor, my home. I showed her the proposal video, even though she said very little—Her dementia makes it more difficult for her to speak-I saw it in her face. She was so happy, her eyes sparkling, and told me everything she couldn't put into words.
At this point I asked her, “Mom, can I wear your wedding dress?” Even though she couldn't answer clearly, I knew she liked the idea. I walked into her room and started looking. The smell, the feel of her things—it brought back so many memories. As I searched for the dress, there she was, on the hospital bed we had placed in the living room so she could still be surrounded by us. Her presence filled the room and I could feel how proud she was. It was as if, even in silence, she was saying: This is what I've always wanted for you.
Those days were a fragile beauty. I was planning my future with Marcus while seizing the little time I had left with my mom. Then, That night in the emergency room everything changed. She fought so hard. Doctors told us that resuscitating her again and again was costing her too much. I know she is tired, but I also know she is persevering – for us, for me.
I sat next to her, held her hand, and whispered, “Mom, it's okay.” Everything was going to be okay. Marcus loves us and he will take care of me. I wish he were here right now, but he wants you to know that he loves me very much. I felt her squeeze my hand – just the tiniest, faintest pressure – her way of telling me she understood.
That night, my mother passed away. Marcus was in Korea and I called him, crying so hard I could barely speak. “She's gone,” I sobbed into the phone. And Marcus – he was just always online, quiet and stable, supporting me with his words from thousands of miles away.
The days since then have been filled with joy and sorrow. Every time I see wedding plans, every time I imagine walking down the aisle, I think of her. I'm not going to have her there zipping up my clothes, fixing my hair, and telling me how pretty I look. But I will carry her with me—in the dress of her blessing, in the love she taught me to give, and in every step Marcus and I take toward our future.
It's a bittersweet rhythm, it's a dance of sadness and joy. But I now know that both can coexist. Love doesn't erase loss; it grows around it. Somehow, through pain and healing, it reminds us to keep moving forward—to keep their love moving forward, no matter how heavy it feels.
To be honest, I haven't fully recovered from that disaster. whirlwind of sorrow Intertwined with joy, love and loss sit side by side in my heart. There are so many things to hold, and some days it feels heavier than others. But even so, my heart goes on and life goes on.
Running out of time?
Most people probably can't understand what I'm feeling right now. Whenever I think of my mom, the pain of losing her comes back. But when I think about Marcus, I feel so blessed and grateful.
proposal? It could happen at any time, and honestly, who knows? The timing may not look right to others, but when you feel something deep down, you can't stop. Honestly, who has the right to deny my feelings─or our feelings?
I always take my mom with me. I'm wearing this little necklace that my sister and I gave each other—each of us is holding one of her necklaces. this is a A small piece of green bone among her cremated remains. It's like I carry a part of her with me wherever I go, keeping her close, even if I can't physically feel her presence. It's bittersweet, but somehow it makes sense. because Even through grief, her love is still with meguide me forward.
