I started therapy at the age of 21 after my parents divorced in 2012. While I started therapy because my parents were divorcing, the reality was far beyond that. I really don’t know where I would be without it. At this point, my therapist knows me better than most. She understands my anxieties, my relationships, my history and my story. It’s so easy to reconnect with her every month.
Our classes have ebbed and flowed with what was going on in my life, and I am very grateful for this flexibility. I’m always surprised by what I find, even when things feel pretty good. When I expressed this to her recently, she said that there is a deeper level of release when our minds are clearer and we don’t have as much surface stress or anxiety. So don’t skip these classes even if you feel fine. Sometimes, these are the things that lead to the greatest discoveries.
If you’ve ever been curious about therapy, wanted to get started, or didn’t know how, today’s article is for you. I’m sharing what I’ve learned from 10+ years of therapy and why I think everyone should have a therapist!
What I’ve Learned From 10+ Years of Therapy
how to find a therapist
One of the most daunting parts of starting therapy is finding a therapist. There are many different types, personalities, and specialties of therapists, and it can be overwhelming, even frustrating, to see that someone is just out of place. One of the best ways I’ve found to connect with a therapist is through referrals from friends and family.
A referral from your PCP (Primary Care Physician) is another great way to connect with a therapist who can provide you with the best support. A PCP will know which therapists are good at certain things and can steer you in the right direction. The more people you ask, the more information you can gather and then filter to your liking.
What to look for when looking for a therapist
Treatment is very individual and you need to think it through before starting treatment. You don’t want to waste time jumping from one therapist to another, so make a list ahead of time. Consider what qualities you are looking for in a therapist. My therapist friend said that people often need different types of therapists in different “seasons” of their lives.
You may be looking for someone who is warm, furry, gentle, and motherly to help you through difficult times. Or you may want a stronger, more outspoken person to help you dig deeper and push yourself to learn and grow. Consider what you need at this stage in your life.
Be sure to read about their training and expertise. Sometimes people who are very different from you can help make you see things from a different perspective. You also need someone who aligns with your overall beliefs and morals. You need to make sure that the baseline values are aligned so that their suggestions, questions and ideas don’t completely stray from your own. According to a friend and therapist, “99.99% of the success of therapy depends on the relationship.”
What to do if you want to leave/change therapists
Leaving or changing therapists can be embarrassing, and it’s hard not to take these things personally. But in the end, you need to do what works best for you. Whether it’s someone you’ve just met or someone you’ve known for a long time, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s time to move on. You know yourself best, believe that.
There’s a difference between therapy that makes you uncomfortable because it’s good, deep work, and therapy that makes you uncomfortable because your values don’t align. You can simply tell your therapist in a message or at the end of a session that you feel you are doing well and are taking some time off. You don’t have to be specific unless you want to give your therapist some feedback.
how to prepare for treatment
a therapist can’t do the work for you
My friend likes to use the analogy of finding a personal trainer. A personal trainer has the expertise to guide you through your exercise routine, but it’s pointless if you’re not willing to show up and get your workout done. If you’re interested in trying therapy, know that it’s not a one-way street. You need to be ready to be vulnerable, open up, and share a part of yourself in order to benefit from it.
make a list
It is often helpful to keep a journal or list of things that are on your mind. If you’re just starting treatment, you might have a list a mile long. Usually, you’ll only learn a few things per meeting, so choose something that feels most relevant to you at the moment. Know that treatment takes time and that you will not “cure” in one session. However, hopefully you will feel a little lighter after each session. Imagine the relief you’ll feel after months, years, decades of treatment!
let go of the filter
One thing I like about the treatment is that I can throw the filter out the window. It was so freeing. Even with our closest family, friends and partners, we usually have some kind of filter in place. Whether to protect them or ourselves, we may not share certain thoughts or feelings.
One of the best things about talking to a therapist is that they won’t be offended by your thoughts or feelings. They have no personal connection or relationship with you and can help you see things from a different perspective.
come with an open mind
Approach therapy with an open mind. You may have an idea of what treatment will look like, but it can actually be very different. Instead of rushing to judgment, consider whether you, too, could benefit from it.
creative thinking
There are many different things you can do to take care of your physical and mental health and well-being. Treatment is an important piece of the puzzle, but it is equally important to consider other modalities. Look at your life in a holistic way. You can’t expect an hour a week to solve all your problems. Be proactive about what you eat, your exercise habits, your doctor, the people around you, how you spend your time, and the commitments you make.
Therapy is wonderful, but it’s not the ultimate solution. There are other options to explore, including art therapy, equine therapy, physical/mindfulness exercises, yoga therapy, and more. Spend time in nature, sign up for retreats to reset yourself, and take weekly yoga classes. For your health and well-being, there are many things you can do to live in peace, freedom and happiness.
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