What I didn’t realize was that when I was about to accept life-changing experiences that were perfectly suited to me, I would actually be bombarded with them faster than I could blink. The most gorgeous shit keeps coming and lined up perfectly — like a game of Tetris that you finally manage to finish.
My recovery journey didn’t have the best start (and I imagine most recovery journeys do). In fact, it started when I had to swim against the current that I was taught and conditioned to believe was the only one based on faint intuition for me. It was all on me because I never sat down and questioned myself. I let life be me instead of building the version of life that works best for me.
It led to a beautiful valley, a year where I dragged any sense of self out of that pit with the support of some people close to me, and I consider myself very lucky to have in my life and myself Of the sheer will to get out of getting up every morning — which is at least a good thing as a “go with the flow” person — you learn to compartmentalize and manage your shit so you can continue to function at a basic level. Survive, not thrive.
Relief isn’t coming anytime soon. There was more self-sabotage in my head because I never really learned or practiced how to be kind to myself, and thought I needed to punish myself for choosing me, and I had to let some people down in the process. It seems that now is not the time for me to start collecting fragments and start merging. I want to throw them all in the air and see what lands where. It’s not very pretty.
But somewhere along the way, something did crack. It gave my gut a stronger voice—so loud that I could, for the first time in a long time, actually hear her speak. Miraculously, things that didn’t work for me started to disappear from my life, even though I haven’t had the courage to eliminate them myself. Life kicked me hard and finally showed me the art of “editing” my life. As it turns out, you can stop entertaining anything you don’t think is helping your life. Drop it like a fly.
My flattering ass practiced it with a lot of dread and dread that I would be damned forever if I got another guy to dislike me (it was all in my own head, running like a movie). Nothing happened. I am not dead. Mother Earth is always moving, the sun rises and then the moon rises. In addition, I also gained something new in this practice, which I have not experienced for a long time-mental space.
The more I edit and let go, the more space I create. Think of it like my glass – full – but shit that doesn’t serve any purpose. So now, my glass is finally emptied – blank.
By then, I had started taking better care of myself – consciously – and constantly asking myself each day – Is this right for me? Will my top version make this decision? Do I really need this in my life? Does this habit, place, person, item enhance my being in any damn way? No? Put it in the fucking bucket. Yes? Invite it further into my life. I’ve started researching ways to treat it. Establishing a routine based on my needs, with an almost savage love for my personal development. It’s been a long time since I’ve started investing in myself again.
This brought more magic in my life – my recovery journey really hit the metal pedal at this junction – I found my calling and it really taught me to be passionate about something The feeling – an almost familiar one – of the magic you use playing with you as a child, but slowly forgotten along the way. I discovered Breathing – not only did it heal some early wounds that had been ingrained and neglected for over three decades, but it showed me how simple, deep and rich it feels to grow, and to spread that healing vibration How beneficial. Of course, I dive right into mindful breathing exercises, sign up for training to be a facilitator, immerse myself in whatever I can find about breath, mind-body connection, trauma, emotions, and energy, and work with mentors And made the connection I’ve been breathing every day since. In a lot of ways, it felt like I was just getting started because I knew I had a long way to go, but at the same time it felt like I had come a long way.
After that it’s like a rolling stone – except it’s rolling uphill, toward higher, better vibrations, and jumping hills too, collecting pure fucking magic along the way.
I’m also getting more and more used to editing my own life. I am constantly changing, evolving, growing, and I was and am in no mood to stop until the day I stop breathing.
It’s about getting better — it just keeps piling up and getting better, and every step is just the beginning. This is what you allow to stack. That’s the secret I feel.
You learn to see bad stacks as lessons and simply let them fall after integrating with the lesson at hand.
When you consciously take steps each day to get closer to what feels consistent in your body and say no to what doesn’t, it can feel like walking, and the path simply appears to you as if by magic.
More amazing things, experiences, places, people started to pile up in my human experience, my connection to my intuition started to grow stronger, and there was room in my life and mind – to breathe – without clutter.
I released so much that it could now be my middle name.
I’m constantly coming back to my breath, consulting my body instead of my mind, and gaining wisdom I didn’t even know I had inside. I learned magic. I realized that I lived life to the fullest every day.
As an end to this vague sharing (since I don’t want to give out personal details, but still try to keep it as close to my heart as possible), I want to share my recent experience.
Last October, just a month after my mind, body and soul were blown away from this notion of 3D existence by the simple work of breathing, in a fearless and inspiring act, I booked myself a trip Shaka Surf ClubLearn how to surf – a birthday present to myself this March.
I’ve always been fascinated by surfing and wondered if I could pick it up and thought I could have the sea and the sand even if surfing wasn’t for me.
5 months after booking, I showed up and spent 6 days in a tent with backwaters on one side and the ocean on the other, with a few people in between that I fucking liked so much.
This is — no prizes for guesswork here — magic.
Not only did I actually get permission to open my eyes and realize that my glass was full for what seemed like the first time in my life and had been full for a while now (I just refused to admit it to myself), but This time was filled with things that I consciously planned for myself, all for me. This means I can now start pouring water out of it – something I’ve always loved to do – it’s just that when you pour from an empty glass or a full one you get exhausted and often start Feel like shit.
As if by magic, the day after I downloaded this, some people I’d love to share a space with (no doubt I had a break for alone time, because at this moment, shit gave me Fuel) asked me if I would do one of their breathing workshops. For a moment – tension – but when you know, in your deepest part, that you are meant to do something, the tension fades away as quickly as they arise. I heard that phrase somewhere and it stuck with me – fear is excitement without breath. All you have to do is breathe. This is what I do. I breathe, and I remind myself it’s not about me, it’s about breathing, introduced to humans at the very moment it was supposed to be discovered, for them.
We breathe under the stars, palms swaying in the wind to remind you that spirit is everywhere, lying in the grass – our energies come together in nature, sea, salt and sand to create a place that is to me Forever special container. We connect with our breath and our human experience, and come out the other side feeling slightly lighter and well-lit.
This is it. This is me. pouring. Because now I know how to overflow my glass.
Prosper, not survive.
Oh, and I did manage to stand up and surf a few waves, but hit my knee twice and stepped on a sea urchin before learning how to surf without the help of an instructor. But I still have the sea, the sand and the people 🙂
This is just the beginning ❤️
I was inspired to write this while waiting for my flight to Delhi at Mangalore airport 🙂
Here are some photos I took at that time shaka.
I used to pour drinks. Now I pour magic 😉
What a life. What a life. What a life.
