I have a confession. I have two children, but I never wanted to be a mother.
I got married at the age of 24 and told my husband very early that I was pretty sure I would never want children. They seem to be an obstacle to me. I have a plan. Big plan, big plan. I have desires. I need it. In my family, everyone, almost to one person, seems to bear the “heavy burden” of raising children. In my world, I hardly knew that there was a person who planned to be a parent, not outside of my grandparents. Almost everyone is divorced. Yes, even my grandparents.
I don’t remember that we really celebrated the news when anyone in my circle was pregnant. I’m sure there are some, but honestly, I can’t remember any of them. Every time a pregnancy is announced, there will be situations that regard pregnancy as the worst thing that can happen at the time.
Adults in my life always provide me with “friendly” suggestions, allowing me to postpone starting a family as much as possible, thus unwittingly increasing the burden of being a parent.
Don’t get married before the age of 30.
Don’t have more than one child, so that you can truly enjoy the life together.
Make sure you have no children before your career is established and financially stable.
Travel before you have children. Take all the adventures before they arrive. Once you become a parent, everything is over.
All these add up to one message: children make your life harder. If you want a good life, avoid becoming a mother.
Children are small diners. They are vampires. They flow all your fun, joy, adventure and prosperity. What are they giving you in return? Bills and stress.
This is the message I grew up with, whether or not anyone intends to do so.
Therefore, I was not completely surprised to see this tweet appearing on my timeline recently. In addition to the typical left-wing view of the nuclear family, I know that many people are now raised by this underlying feeling, and they hinder the happy life of adults to some extent.
Just like the dear doctor here, I only treat the child as a roadblock. Why would I take the initiative to welcome them into my body and life? I have a lot of things to do.
My husband is a kind and patient person, and he supports my decision. I think he feels that I might change my mind, but thinks there is no need to force me.He comes from a passion core family. I naively believed that he would not want one of his own, but he never forced me.
A few years later, it feels like our marriage is not the whole of our family. I knew we were destined to be more than that, and I finally gave in. Nearly five years after we swore, I gave birth to our son. I have never been the same since then.
Thank God.
Only a fool would say that being a parent is not difficult. Only a naive fool would say that marriage has never been a challenge.
But slavery?
OMG. Do not.
As someone who never wants to be a mother, let me tell you that Ms. Doctor and your favorite TV show and your favorite coastal bubble blog will never tell you about motherhood.
This is difficult. It is not suitable for people with weak hearts. But it is by far the most noble and meaningful thing you have ever done in your life.
Perhaps people like Patterson misunderstood some parental complaints as complaints about the parental system, not just complaints about work.
Parenting is work, and everyone hates their job from time to time.but Parenting Not slavery. This is freedom.
Think about all the things you have said about who you want to be. Have you ever wished that you would be less selfish, more kind, and give more? Do you wish to be more patient? know it better? More motivated? More creative? Less negative?
Becoming a parent will lead you in that direction. It frees you from the shackles of your “self” and forces you to see the world through the lens of others. It will automatically make you a servant rather than a servant. Slavery is not slavery, but I can understand how some people who have never deliberately adopted a servant attitude confuse them. Slavery is a trap that destroys the human spirit, but slavery is a choice that will bring rich returns.
Being a parent gives you a whole new understanding of love and sacrifice. If you want to be more sensitive, passionate, and intuitive to the needs of others, then be a parent.
Will you be tired? Yes. Do you think crazy? Yes. Do you sometimes complain to your friends about lack of personal space or frustration? Absolutely.
Will you always be better?
no doubt.
I did not hesitate to help my parents, especially mothers, face the trials and tribulations of parenting frankly. We should not be ashamed of our frustrations, but it is very dishonest and narrow to define parenting (and marriage, a consensual act) as slavery.
I believe that this attitude is the outcrop of a culture that continues to devalue life-both in terms of creation and cultivation. It is a cultural outcrop, it tells us that “self” is sacred. Self-love, self-esteem, self-care…self, self, self. We are not born to worship ourselves, and when we do, it will distort our worldview.
Being a parent is a reliable way to get rid of the lifestyle of staring at the belly button and see the bigger picture.
This is not slavery, this is freedom.
